Gadgetzan Times Issue #2

SHREDDER TECH I always thought the name 'Shredder' was a bit of a poor marketing choice, really. These mechanical machines are worth fifty goblin labourers, and they don't always have to shred, oh no! They can saw, rip, tear, shred, grind, smash, crush, the possibilities, Dear Reader, the possibilities are almost endless. Maybe you're a potential investor. Maybe you're some hoodwink who wants to rob the glorious oil guzzlers of their fused wiring to sell on the black market. Hey, I don't judge. In fact, if you get any, I'll pay a good price myself... Either way, here's the most recent investors:

Ashenvale, the Warsong Lumber Camp. To see the scale of this operation is a marvel to behold. The entertainment of the Orcs and Elves stabbing each other just on the other side of the river is pretty amusing too. Stonetalon Mountains, the Venture Co. in the Windshear Crag. I mean, yeah, the tree-huggers get another forest chopped down. But who cares, that valley was ugly as sin anyway, looks way better with a bit industrialisation. Stranglethorn Vale, the Venture Co. near Lake Nazferiti. Keeping the geologists hard at work, these beasts rip through the undergrowth to allow the research to continue. Some beautiful crystals I hear they find out there, too. Westfall? I heard one fancy unit was shipped to somewhere in Westfall, but I've not heard about where it's gone to, or who has it. Weird, disappeared into thin air...

THE QUARRY So there I was, Dear readers! There I was, taking a tour through the Burning Steppes to visit a colleague in Flame Crest. Let me paint the picture: the sun was high and scorching, the land was black as tar and burning, and the wildlife was equal parts ugly and dangerous. When suddenly, BOOM! The biggest explosion I ever did hear. Made the ground itself pulse, it did. Naturally, I just had to find out what could cause such a thing of beauty. Well, on the horizon I spied a deep green smoke plume coming from a quarry in the Eastern hills. Smell unlike anything I can compare it to, made my nose crinkle and my eyes water. I didn't get much closer, but I could see by the entrance to the quarry... those curious Dark Irons were milling about. Guarding the perimeter, shouting at each other in that strange Dwarvern dialect!

Asking about, apparently there have been a lotta movements in the area, travelling back and forth down the rocky roads. Guess the quarry ain't so disused anymore. Question is: what's it being used for? That ungodly smell seemed to be novel, no gunpowder there. The explosions seemed more frequent and violent, not just blasting apart rock for minerals. One brave (and equally stupid) goblin tried to meet with the foreman, Bargul, to find out what was going on. She never returned, but honestly, what did she expect to happen? All I know is, where there's activity, there's production. Where there's production, there's business. And where there's business, there's gold! Far be it from me to tell you adventurin' types where to spend your time and effort, but if I were you, I would be having a few words with the dwarves there to find out what's going on, and maybe become an early investor! Or at least sell their secrets. To me. Ideally.

ZEPPELIN ACCIDENTS It really is amazing what people will put up with for the sake of saving time and convenience. Now, I may have long since had shares in the Zeppelin transport companies. They are the lifeblood of travel, getting Orcs, Goblins, even colossal Tauren across the continents within days! Anyone smart enough would see this as a worthwhile investment. We got ourselves competition now, though. Some upstarts started running air travel all the way to Kargath! That's right, the desert dust and winds, the bane of any airship, and these dumbos decided it was the perfect destination to run their routes to. Needless to say, the results ain't pretty. Day after day we get reports of bodies drying in the desert sun, flung from the decking of the Zeppelins as they careen through the inhospitable winds! There are even reports of crashes and explosions, oh my oh my.

Say what you want about Goblin engineering, the only fatalities we've had so far on zeppelins were from people thinking they could shave minutes off their journeys by jumping off as we flew over their homes, or the occasionally cheeky mind control magic spell. Which of course, we take zero responsibility for – that much is in the small print when you agree to ride the aircraft. I don't think I need to elaborate. It's lunacy to take their transport, stick with the established routes. Stay safe! Stay alive! Give us your custom and not them!